There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
