maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
