god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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