I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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