I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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