So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
