you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You ate ashes out of my bong
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
