Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
