A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
