we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
