i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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