We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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