The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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