Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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