Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
