i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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