I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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