there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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