I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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