I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
