your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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