I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
