We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize