he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
