No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
