Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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