Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
