I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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