R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
