I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
