Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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