Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
