we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
