It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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