I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
