So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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