Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
