I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
