I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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