found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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