Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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