dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
