dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
