Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
