kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
