well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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