i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize