i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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