I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
