tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
