Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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