so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
