his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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