What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
