idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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