i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
