So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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