I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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