I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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