Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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