come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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