I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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